trust Archives - Being Brave

Hello LIVE!

01.01.2016 by Gina // 1 Comment

For the past six years, I’ve joined in on the My One Word idea. The idea is to focus on that one word for a whole year and make changes in your life centered around that concept, idea, word. Instead of New Year’s resolutions that usually get discarded by the beginning of February, this revolutionary concept has stuck with me and my family.

This year’s word is

LIVE

The past couple of years, while our lives have been chaotic, we’ve chosen a simpler path due to our addition to our family. The year, L’ came home, our word was LISTEN. Last year, our word was FOCUS. We wanted, no needed much rest and time to just FOCUS on us and the many needs of our immediate family. Some of those needs included a quiet space for L’ to thrive. We stayed home to establish routines and consistency for him. We did a year of no parties in our home. We traveled minimally. Our year also included more one on one dates with our children. To stay sane, that also meant more dates with just D’ and I. While at times, that included L’, we managed to get away just the two of us for a few days for the first time since he’s been home. That was glorious.

So what else did we FOCUS on in 2015? God, our family, our friendships, giving more, writing more, exercising more, calmness in our school day, more down time to recharge. (For me that meant reading. I wrote about that the other day. You can read about that here.) We focused on saying no to some good things, so we could say yes to greater things.

We focused on saying no to some good things, so we could say yes to greater things.

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Some of our goals are being continued in 2016. Sacrifice is part of life and this past year, we needed to take a time out when tests indicated that I needed a four month treatment for my heart and immune system. We FOCUSed on my health, while some of D’s dreams and goals were put on hold. We hope to continue with some of his career goals this year. That’s what life is all about, isn’t it? Leaving enough room in life when your plan A doesn’t work, to adapt and be okay with plan B, C, D, or even T. Living with margin is important to us. We were not stressed – we simply, detoured.

While we will always have work to do, I think our year last year was the leveler we needed to get back in balance and calm the chaos a little bit. There are still challenges, but we are headed into 2016 with a quiet calm that is still focused on our family and will include LIVING life a little more. What will that include? For us, that means more adventures, more exploring, more physical activity (exercising, trying new sports, picking up some old ones), traveling more, taking risks, loving more, writing more, reading more, making new friends, appreciating the life in front of us and creating a space to sit with all the memories being made. We diagramed that out and this is what we came up with last night:

If you look close, you can see one answer to my question that I asked my family: “What does it mean to you to LIVE?” My boy says, “Not die.” Okay, that’s a good goal this year. Put it on the board! We covet your prayers of protection when we do the “test our limits” goal in sports and other outdoor activities, in order to accomplish the “not die” goal. Our year will still be intentional, discerning, simple, and focused. As you can see, our former words have carried over and build upon each previous year. Here are the past six year’s worth of words. Maybe something will inspire you?

2010: SIMPLIFY

2011: TRUST

2012: DISCERN

2013: INTENTIONAL

2014: LISTEN

2015: FOCUS

Welcome 2016! Let’s LIVE!

Friendships

10.20.2015 by Gina // 4 Comments

Being vulnerable in relationships is hard. I have found making friends as an adult complicated. To expose yourself and all your STUFF when your life is already full of baggage, husband, children, and health issues, is just exhausting. What if these new people are not safe and I say too much and now they have something to hold against me and hurt me? What if I pour out my feelings and I just get blank stares? What if after investing time into this friendship and it goes nowhere? That’s what being vulnerable is, isn’t it? Sharing the hard stuff, letting people in, and hope they take good care of your heart.

That’s what being vulnerable is, isn’t it? Sharing the hard stuff, letting people in, and hope they take good care of your heart.

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During and after our marriage trial, I protected myself and found it very hard to trust. Those friendships that were already established were an easy default. I knew I could trust them. There were friends, however, that did not weather our marriage storm too well, and abandoned ship when things got rough. I was devastated that those friends I thought would be there “no matter what”, chose to end a friendship when I needed them most. So I coiled in, built a fortress and hid. Trusting people in general after that was difficult for me to navigate. I didn’t trust my own discernment of good character after what I had been through in my marriage.

Slowly, as the months and years passed, I was open to new friendships. I still have a hard time with completely trusting. It’s a process, and as I grow more confident with discerning who the safe people are, it gets easier. That wound of betrayal will always be lurking in the background tempting me to be afraid. God is bigger than my fears. I’ve learned that God’s love is enough to cover the fears. There is no need to be afraid, but I still find myself holding back at times. Will I be hurt in the future? Probably. I’m learning to be okay with that.

I had an epiphany this summer in regards to my friendships. It was more me learning about myself and how closed up I still am, while at the same time, craving those authentic relationships. I want real relationships. I want my people. I learned that it’s okay for friendships to run their course and fizzle out. I’ve learned that some friendships are timeless and no matter where you left off or how much time has passed, you can always pick up where you left off. I’ve learned that growth happens when you are vulnerable and honest and real and raw. When you are brave enough to expose the deepest parts of yourself, God will meet you there and give you the strength to handle however the other person responds.

When you are brave enough to expose the deepest parts of yourself, God will meet you there and give you the strength to handle however the other person responds.

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Just this week, I see the fruit of friendships in the making and growing.

a friend who saw I needed prayer and stopped mid conversation to pray for me
a friend who listened as I shared something personal about my family without blinking (phew!)
a friend who takes the time to tell me what they appreciate about me
a friend who gladly takes your children for the day when you have to go to the doctor
a friend who reaches out and wants to support your mission
a friend who shared that “it’s not cancer!” and we rejoice together
a friend who sent a message of encouragement
a friend who inspires me to keep writing and sharing
a friend who is willing to sit with me in all my vulnerable mess and listen

This. This is why I keep opening up and being brave with my friendships. It’s not always easy or a smooth process, but it’s worth it. This was all this week, all with different people. The joys are so much sweeter and struggles are so much lighter when shared with friends.

Redeemed

10.19.2015 by Gina // 2 Comments

{The first part of this post can be read here}

Could this marriage be redeemed? So what do you do when your marriage is derailed and you don’t know how to get it back on track? Was there any chance for our marriage? Some advice that was helpful to us was:

Be careful with WHO you share with. We shared with only mature fellow Christians who could view this trial through the same lens as our beliefs and convictions on marriage.
Be discerning with WHAT you share. Some things are still private and the purpose is restoration, not belittlement. Some details are not necessary for others to know.
Think about WHY you are sharing. We were seeking wise counsel to speak into our lives in order to heal our broken marriage.

Thankfully, we both agreed on this and we only shared details with a select few who were truly committed to help us in a healthy way.

We struggled for many months and the strain took its toll on our family. My husband had to learn how to tell the truth to me. I had to learn how to respond well to that truth telling. The point where my husband hit rock bottom (for his and mine weren’t the same), was when he left the family home. It was a good couple of years after this truth telling session in counseling that led us to this point. We struggled. We struggled hard. Fighting for our marriage is hard work. Wrestling with this was not easy. We were separated for a short time.

We learned a good lesson during that season that confirmed our strict guidelines stated above. There were people who had an opinion without any knowledge of any inner workings in our marriage. The judgment from those people stung as they spewed harsh words our way. Relationships were severed and some were damaged because of it. We learned who we could count on to support us and who we needed to eliminate from our lives.

God was working in each of us, though during this time. He was close to us. Holding each of us up. I clung to His Word – His Truth spoken just for me to hear. I dug into the book of Hosea. The story of Hosea in the Bible brought me to my knees. We are all sinners, constantly breaking God’s heart. Yet, God chooses to love us anyway. He loves us even though we are sinners. He loves us enough to help change us and bring us out of that sin. He loves us with all our baggage and messed up thinking. He loves us when we walk away from Him. His love is enough when we can’t muster up enough love from inside of us on our own – for myself, for my husband.

Could His love be enough for us? To heal this marriage? Would I let His love cover us and heal us? Yes. I chose love. I chose forgiveness. How could I not when the One who created me, also has forgiven me? We forgave each other over and over again and every day made a commitment to make the choice to do life God’s way. God rebuilt our marriage from the inside out. We started over. We started with a new foundation. We learned to trust again. We learned to share and speak truth, gently. We learned how to fall in love again. We learned to respect our differences and grow because of them. We continued to seek wise counsel weekly and sometimes for me, daily. We learned that God uses marriage to make us holy, to make us more like Him.

God uses marriage to make us holy, to make us more like Him.

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God honored our choices and redeemed our marriage. It’s not perfect – far from it, but we both realize that a life without God as our foundation, our marriage will not flourish. Everyday, we consciously make the choice to love each other.

God has blessed us over and over since then and we give Him all the glory for this redemption story. Without Him, this part of the story would be different. God was with us through our storms, especially during the second part of the hurricane, and we clung to Him for dear life. We’ve come out of it much stronger.

“When you go through deep waters, I will be with you.” ~ Isaiah 43:2

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