{The first part of this post can be read here}
Could this marriage be redeemed? So what do you do when your marriage is derailed and you don’t know how to get it back on track? Was there any chance for our marriage? Some advice that was helpful to us was:
- Be careful with WHO you share with. We shared with only mature fellow Christians who could view this trial through the same lens as our beliefs and convictions on marriage.
- Be discerning with WHAT you share. Some things are still private and the purpose is restoration, not belittlement. Some details are not necessary for others to know.
- Think about WHY you are sharing. We were seeking wise counsel to speak into our lives in order to heal our broken marriage.
Thankfully, we both agreed on this and we only shared details with a select few who were truly committed to help us in a healthy way.
We struggled for many months and the strain took its toll on our family. My husband had to learn how to tell the truth to me. I had to learn how to respond well to that truth telling. The point where my husband hit rock bottom (for his and mine weren’t the same), was when he left the family home. It was a good couple of years after this truth telling session in counseling that led us to this point. We struggled. We struggled hard. Fighting for our marriage is hard work. Wrestling with this was not easy. We were separated for a short time.
We learned a good lesson during that season that confirmed our strict guidelines stated above. There were people who had an opinion without any knowledge of any inner workings in our marriage. The judgment from those people stung as they spewed harsh words our way. Relationships were severed and some were damaged because of it. We learned who we could count on to support us and who we needed to eliminate from our lives.
God was working in each of us, though during this time. He was close to us. Holding each of us up. I clung to His Word – His Truth spoken just for me to hear. I dug into the book of Hosea. The story of Hosea in the Bible brought me to my knees. We are all sinners, constantly breaking God’s heart. Yet, God chooses to love us anyway. He loves us even though we are sinners. He loves us enough to help change us and bring us out of that sin. He loves us with all our baggage and messed up thinking. He loves us when we walk away from Him. His love is enough when we can’t muster up enough love from inside of us on our own – for myself, for my husband.
Could His love be enough for us? To heal this marriage? Would I let His love cover us and heal us? Yes. I chose love. I chose forgiveness. How could I not when the One who created me, also has forgiven me? We forgave each other over and over again and every day made a commitment to make the choice to do life God’s way. God rebuilt our marriage from the inside out. We started over. We started with a new foundation. We learned to trust again. We learned to share and speak truth, gently. We learned how to fall in love again. We learned to respect our differences and grow because of them. We continued to seek wise counsel weekly and sometimes for me, daily. We learned that God uses marriage to make us holy, to make us more like Him.
God honored our choices and redeemed our marriage. It’s not perfect – far from it, but we both realize that a life without God as our foundation, our marriage will not flourish. Everyday, we consciously make the choice to love each other.
God has blessed us over and over since then and we give Him all the glory for this redemption story. Without Him, this part of the story would be different. God was with us through our storms, especially during the second part of the hurricane, and we clung to Him for dear life. We’ve come out of it much stronger.
“When you go through deep waters, I will be with you.” ~ Isaiah 43:2
