death Archives - Being Brave

When Your World Stops on a Dime

09.08.2018 by Gina // 2 Comments

Oh, Jesus! Praying the words that just won’t come. I had a whole different post that was going to fill this space, but when life happens, when your world stops on a dime, you focus on what’s in front of you and just take that next step. It seems that so many people I love have had to face incredibly hard things this week. It has humbled me even more to look outside myself and to look at the big picture of grace. My heart is heavy for those who are facing situations that can make or break their faith. They are walking their brave. My prayer is that they are leaning in to God for the answers and support and peace and strength.

This could have easily been titled:

“When your young son is diagnosed with cancer”

“When your brother dies unexpectedly”

“When your children live an ocean away and you have to trust in the Lord to take care of them”

Or fill in the blank with the brave, hard thing you are facing this week. We are not exempt from heartache and pain. It is all around us. It might be happening to us right now, a friend, or a family member. It’s what we do with that gut punching news that can make or break us. Do we trust God and turn over our pain and sorrow, or do we bury it and become bitter? Trusting in Him and allowing Him to direct our paths is a way to grow our faith.

How do we find hope in a cancer diagnosis? How do we press on in ordinary, everyday life, when our precious child’s life just got turned upside down and inside out? How do we explain to him what a new normal will look like for the time being as he goes through chemo and treatments? How do we grieve a loved one’s death when it was way too soon? How do we live with half our heart in another country?

I don’t know the answers to these questions except to say the comforting answer is Jesus.

Jesus. We need you here. You are in the next breath we take and every inhale and exhale will be with your help as we cannot do this life alone. We are dependent on you, completely, solely. And if the words won’t come, a simple one word prayer of “Jesus” is all you need. He will meet you where you’re at.

And if the words won’t come, a simple one word prayer of “Jesus” is all you need.

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What is Gained by Loss?

05.01.2016 by Gina // Leave a Comment

What is gained by loss?

In April, I learned much about loss, big and small, and how to LIVE while staring loss in the face.

While April brought a car accident, an illness for me, followed by another two week fast, I gained much from the losses that were associated with each. I lost my car, but not my family. I lost my anger towards the person who caused the accident and I gained perspective. During my illness I spent 11 days in bed, but gained more independent children. My fasts are always time consuming and take a bit away from family time, but I gain health. I appreciate food so much more when I finally eat again after two weeks.

No sooner had I recovered from my illness and I heard my dear friend was ill.

Sometimes, being brave in life means being brave in the face of death.

Sometimes, being brave in life means being brave in the face of death.

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I didn’t let the voices of fear creep in telling me that I didn’t belong at my friend’s side. I was bold and contacted her daughter who welcomed me into that ICU room with open arms. I put on my gown and gloves, stood by my friend, held her hand, and prayed for healing. Her healing came shortly after when she no longer had to suffer the pains of this world.

I learned much from her son’s death 29 years ago. {I wrote about Mark, here.} I wrote in Mark’s letter, “You taught me that life can be taken away without warning. You taught me that you don’t always get to say goodbye in person.” I didn’t get that “goodbye” with her son, but I was blessed to see my friend shortly before she passed away. God comforted me in a way that He knew would bring a whole lot of healing to my weary heart: to see my friend and be able to say goodbye. I had really hoped it was not the last goodbye and I didn’t say it audibly.

In the midst of losing Cindie, I gained a renewed friendship with her daughter. I was also reminded of all the lessons her life taught me these past 30+ years. I have gained much.

Smiling through pain is brave
Having emotional strength all while my physical body betrays me
Talking about death is okay
Reminiscing about those we lost is healing and keeps their memory alive
Just show up and love people
Be braver with my life

I can focus on the losses or I can focus on the gains. Find the gains in your life. They are there. Even during the losses, they are there. Dig for them. Recognize them, pause, and be grateful. Be brave with your life.

Mark

10.07.2015 by Gina // 2 Comments

Dear Mark,

Oh friend! What would I say to you if I had one more day? I would say you are loved and missed and your legacy lives on. Your short, precious life was taken too soon, but your life has impact and touches so many lives. Selfishly, I would have liked to have you around as my friend for one more day, one more year, one more lifetime. You were spontaneous and lively and pulled out a little bit of my shy personality, with each giggle, funny story, and each game of hide and seek.

Do you remember when we were 3 and met in pre-school? I do. We would play together after school and as we grew older, like 6 or 7, you said you would marry me someday. You were so adamant about that. Your mom and I joke around that she’s my honorary mother-in-law. She is truly an awesome lady and I wish you could know her now. Our friendship has endured and we have a special bond that is so unique, tethered together by our mutual love for you. We both dream about what you would be like today. We play the “what if” game and it makes us smile, because we like to focus on the good.

Can I just say, I’m sorry? I’m sorry that I didn’t muster up enough courage to go to your funeral. I couldn’t bear the thought of saying goodbye to you that way. It was too much for my child’s heart to cope with such tragedy. Will you forgive me? We were only 9. I turned 10 just a few days after you died. There was no true celebrating my life when I was mourning yours. I was so conflicted about how to celebrate in the valley. Every year, my birthday is somewhat melancholy, but I choose to honor you by celebrating the good things. You would want me to laugh… and eat cake.

I also want to say thank you. Thank you for showing me that life can be lived without hesitations. Thank you for showing me that boys can be sweet and thoughtful and full of love. Thank you for your boldness. Your memory inspires me to be a better mom to my own children, having grace for when the boys are rowdy and patience for when they are emotional and when to take a deep breath when they are bouncing off the wall balls of energy. You taught me that life can be taken away without warning. You taught me that you don’t always get to say goodbye in person. You taught me compassion. Thank you for the sweet memories of a friendship unbridled by the drama that can encompass young people.

The heartache of losing you, my friend, crushed me. You were the first person in my young life that I remember losing. God used it for good in my life. He did. All that brokenness was glued back together by His love. I turned to Him. I didn’t know it at the time, but He was laying a foundation of faith when losing you made no sense. He taught me real life lessons about life and death and friendships and love. He prepared me for the many valleys life would throw at me in the coming years. He allowed me to know grief so I can rejoice in life. He taught me to choose joy.

Until Heaven my friend…

Love,

Gina

He allowed me to know grief so I can rejoice in life. He taught me to choose joy.

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