When we got married, I knew there would be ups and downs in our life together. We eventually realized what the cycles of marriage look like and what was likely to come next.

Oftentimes, the lows are not forever. For us, cycles can last days, months, or years, but inevitably, they always circle back around. The highs don’t last forever either. We’ve learned each phase will lead into the next so hold on tight if you are in a low period. Good times are coming. If you are in a high right now, enjoy it! Savor those memories. Know it’s only natural for the everyday mundane to creep in and possibly lead to a low down the road.

Cycles of Marriage

1. Highs

This is usually where marriage starts. The getting to know each other phase where life is full of bliss, strong connections, and learning how to communicate. This is a time when you are focused on each other and pouring into your relationship. 

2. Everyday Mundane

The Everyday Mundane occurs when we become complacent in our relationship. Things aren’t necessarily bad, but they’re not great either. They just are. Maybe you’re stuck in a rut or routine. Maybe your date nights are more spread out or falling by the wayside. Without the constant nurturing of your relationship, you are easy prey to fall into a low.

3. Lows 

It’s not hard to understand when we hit a low point in our marriage. It could be a season of job loss, job change, a move, illness, addictions, stresses, and other hard times. Perhaps in the survival mode of this crisis or season, the two of you aren’t’ communicating as well. When we hit these low points, it’s especially important to remember the two of you are on the same team. The enemy will use anything to try to put a wedge in between the two of you. When you fight the problem together instead of fighting each other, you have a better chance of climbing out of the low spot.

4. On the way up

This cycle is the rebuilding after a tough season. When crisis mode is over, you can look at each other and dig right in and do the hard work to reconnect. This is the time to rise up together. Prioritize your time and work on your relationship.

Regardless of where you are in your marriage, know that these cycles are part of the relationship’s ups and downs. Hopefully, the lows won’t be so low or last so long as you become more experienced in navigating your relationship.  

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This is part of a five-part series on marriage which was inspired by my article published over at Joyful Life Magazine. Please see the previous posts.

1. Joyful Life Magazine Feature “The Fire of Redemption: A Story of Marriage Refined by Forgiveness”
2. What to do When Your Marriage is Strained
3. How to Strengthen Your Marriage
4. The Cycles of Marriage
5. Fighting Fair

This brief essay is a supplement to our Facebook video series in the Facebook group Being Brave dot Faith which discusses the same topics more in-depth. You can watch the videos by joining the group HERE.